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Gardening Techniques

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Post by wicked witch October 29th 2009, 3:08 pm

None of you are probably aware that I write for a living. haha. That's why I'm so broke! My tales are always based on events...with a little sincere imagination thrown in for flavor. Here's one tale I had published a few years ago....and I couldn't think of a better place to post it!

Gardening Techniques
A pipe sucking, chair rocking, gun shooting, dog loving, opinionated broom pilot. Yup. That's me. Then there's my spouse. I could say he's a tall, dark and handsome law enforcement official, but who'd believe me? So, he's a brandy chugging, beer swigging, fly fishing, hard working, opinionated naked hunter. I call him that cuz the last few times I've seen him hunting, all's he had on was a pair of dog chewed slippers. If'n his luck on his masked garden raiders has something to do with his hunting outfit, I reckon he should plan on wearing the same thing next November during deer season.

Yessuh, it's been fourteen years that that man ain't even seen a buck in November. In those fourteen years he wore his fancy LaCrosse mudders, genuine Johnson wool pants, fluorescent orange hunting coat and a protectively colored felt crusher on his head. He carried a fanny pack with 3 days of sandwiches, cookies and candies, 2 compasses, matches, compact binoculars, a knife, a plastic bag, a length of rope, a rubber band, a safety pin, a hunting license, a rifle with a scope, enough shells to miss deer for 5 days and a small roll of toilet paper. Well! He was prepared for any emergency and always came home empty-handed of game.

But the night he stumbles out of bed, slides on his slippers, loads a shell into his shotgun and throws a flashlight under his arm, stumbles out the back door and shoots....well, he gets himself a raccoon in the garden.

He ain't always been so lucky running out buck naked. I remember the time we were house sitting for old Uncle Sam. This was real close to city dwelling as far as we were concerned. Traffic going by the house at all hours, pole bought electricity, indoor plumbing and running water right in the sink. Why this place had more fancy and modern day gadgets around than we have skeeters and black flies at our home.

One of the things that we did at Uncle Sam's was water the garden. It was real easy cuz there was an outside faucet and a long hose and a gizmo that sprayed an arch of water back and forth. Long about 2 o'clock one morning someone remembered the garden was still getting its dose of artificial rain and so he jumped out of the bed, slipped on that same pair of slippers (this was before they got to be dog-chewed) and trotted out the side door.

He took a quick peek and saw there weren't any cars or trucks going by, tiptoed down the stairs and around to that outside faucet. Just as his hand was reaching for that faucet he got caught by one of those new-fangled gadgets, a motion detecting light.

Must be right before this happened those community drinking places closed, cuz traffic started going by Uncle Sam's place and there's my spouse with his right hand on the garden faucet and his left hand trying to cover his own faucet, all in the bright glare of that fancy spotlight.

Old Uncle Sam has sold that place and moved on, so we don't have to worry about house sitting there again. We've settled into our little cabin in the woods for a while where the running water is about a quarter mile away and lights come on only after striking a match. There's no moral to this story, there's just the truth.

I've got a few others that have been published on my blog....as well as some of photos of the place we live...which really is out in the woods! Let's see if this gives you the link to the blog.

http://www.holebwildernessliving.blogspot.com

wicked witch

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Join date : 2009-10-26

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Post by North Star 1 October 29th 2009, 3:33 pm

I like reading stories like that wish it would have kept going. Gardening Techniques 101545
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Post by bluegill October 29th 2009, 9:53 pm

That was an awesome story, WW!~! Thanks for sharing!~! Awesome website too!~!
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